The musings of a girl
by joustingjackalope
Summary: Could she burden him? With her childish thoughts? Her human needs? She had been patient with him. She never complained, she never wanted to burden him with such trivial things. But she just couldn't keep it in any longer.


A/N: This is my first fanfic. Rin is residing in Inuyasha's village. Her age is up to your imagination, but remember it is the feudal era Japan.

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha anything

She rolled to her side, turning her back on him and hurriedly spread one of the kimono over her shoulder. She felt him shift slightly, if only in recognition of her decision to leave his side.

' _Why?!'_ Rin thought. ' _Why must he make it so obvious to ignore what I want… why did he come at all if he's going to be this, this…_ like _this at all!'_

It hadn't been the first time they met like this. Nor had their brief meetings been this unfavorable. Rin had always loved their meetings, even before she came of age. Before everything changed. Before _she_ changed.

' _Must he really act this way? Alone with me? He can't always be like this'..._ She took a deep breath intending on a loud sigh when she stopped, self conscious of _him_ , and what he might think of her if she did. ' _Childish. He would think me childish.'_ And she hated when he called her a child. She was old enough for a lot of things. She was old enough for this! Though Kagome says in the future you would still be a child. A young adolee-scent.

Well she wasn't in the future. She was here. Beside him. She has been a women for three years now. He certainly did treat her like an adult. In some things. She always had a choice, and he never indicated his authority over what she chose to do. In fact, she would never do something to go against her lords' wishes. She never disobeyed a thing he said. Never had taken a word out of place against him. He always had the last word. And she liked it like that.

She shuddered in the layers of kimono she had draped over her as she thought of the last time she had ever spoken out of turn against him.

 _She was walking with them, single file, through the fields of high grass_. _She did not know where they were headed. Actually she never knew where he led them, but never second guessed to where they would go. Not in his presence anyway. She rarely asked Jaken-sama because he always said she, an impudent human, didn't need to know. Well, she didn't think he knew anything of his whereabouts either. She gave a little smirk as she figured he knew just as little as she did. She'll have to remember to mention this to Jaken-sama next time they get into it._

 _The summer sun was setting by the time they stopped to make camp. They stopped at a small clearing in the woods, but not far from the beginnings of the fields. Rin, asleep on Ah-Un, stirred as the two headed dragon came to stop. Nuzzling one of his heads into her cheek she giggled, appreciating his wake up call before Jaken-sama could give out his own in his clipped squawking manner._

" _Rin."_

 _She ran up from behind Ah-Un and stopped at his feet._

 _He stared down at her with his stone-like face. "Stay close to camp," he said._

" _Hai, Sesshomaru-sama!" She gave him a toothy smile. Then he turned and walked through the trees and out of sight. It wasn't til early morning that he came back to camp. Ah-Un lifted both heads as he walked in and settled himself underneath an opposite tree. Rin tucked underneath their necks and Jaken snoring a couple feet away by what remained of the campfire._

 _Little did she know her life would change in a matter of hours. Change for her benefit. Or for his convenience. Perhaps both, but he would rather agree on the latter._

" _NO!" Rin hollered, her voice echoing across the field._

 _Sesshomaru lifted an eyebrow as he started down at her. She had done it. She knew she had. But she didn't care. She wouldn't stay here. He couldn't leave her here. She was much more agreeable to be around than with Jaken, why had he never left him anywhere… But then she wouldn't have anyone to talk to when he left camp. He wouldn't have her to talk to anymore…_

 _She looked back up at him and met his eyes. His eyes that reflected the sun rise in them bore down at her. She couldn't look away. She wouldn't blink. She dared not as if this was her last chance to win back her place by his side._

 _Then he did what she thought he would never do first. He looked away. She had won. He turned away from her and was walking away. She stared at Jaken as he made towards her._

" _Jaken."_

 _Jaken paused. He look back at his master, then to his human ward. She stared back and saw the confliction in his eyes. He was moving away. Then he too broke contact, and scrambled away to catch up to the retreating youkai._

 _She couldn't believe it. As if Jaken was her last savior, her last voice to protest his decision, she watched as they both walked away. He, not once looking back. Jaken doing so every few steps until they reached the edge of the forest and disappeared._

' _Rin shouldn't have said that.'_

"Why."

Rin blinked. Small wet tears slid down her face. Not realizing she had been crying she carefully wiped them away. Maybe he wouldn't notice. She turned her head behind her and replied, "why, my Lord?"

Silence. _Of course. I always have to be the one talking,_ she thought. She shifted around in their makeshift bed, distancing herself more from his body touching hers as possible. As if this was her retaliation for not answering her.

"Why must you cry?" He finally spoke. No emotions detected whatsoever.

Could she burden him? With her _childish_ thoughts? Her _human_ needs? She had been patient with him. She never complained, she never wanted to burden him with such trivial things. But she just couldn't keep it in any longer…

"I just don't understand… do you want this at all?" Rin said. More silence, so she continued. "It just… it doesn't seem like you want this, or you don't-" Rin tried to keep her voice from wavering. "Don't care for me." Her voice trailed off to barely an audible whisper. But she was sure her lord heard her. He heard everything.

"Inuyasha-san always holds his lady. Always touches her…"

Now she had done it. She didn't even know what type of response she was going to receive. What if he didn't say anything all? Would he really ignore it this time? What's worse? What if he didn't say anything and left?

Just as she was thinking of how he could respond she felt him move behind her, a kimono slipped off her. Or was taken from her. ' _No, he's leaving! He can't be leaving.'_

Rin stayed where she lay, too afraid to look back. With eyes closed tight, tears leaking out, Rin willed him to stay. _'Please don't go, please…'_

Then, as gentle and firm as can be, she felt something on her hip. He was bidding her farewell. She had chased him away. He always left in the mornings but had always made sure she was back in the village, somehow. Why did she have to speak her mind.

His hand clasped her hip firmly, then gently begin guiding her to turn towards him. She obeyed, but kept her eyes shut, afraid of the tears that would spill if she looked at him.

Something snaked around her neck, soft and rough, rested on her shoulder. She cracked an eye open, just enough to see his hand on her shoulder. The other, fingers spread across her midriff, though in an awkward fashion.

' _Perhaps… he does not know how to…'_ He should. He would have many others before her. He knows everything and cannot fail anything. ' _But is he doing this just for me?'_

"Rin," said Sesshomaru. She snapped her eyes open and peered up at those cold amber ones.

She didn't need anymore telling. She didn't need instructions, or confirmation. Just by looking in those eyes she knew he was trying to comply to her wish.

Rin made to curl towards him, and rested her hand on his chest. She could feel him breathing, his chest rise and fall. Though it seemed nothing like hers. Everything that he does, breathing even, seemed so majestic and ethereal. Compared to him, her breathing she concluded, seemed so quick and short and something she couldn't place her hand on that made it seem so callous, so _human_ that she could never be like him. To think, the way he took in air seemed so much superior to her. To anyone.

And she loved finding out this much more about him. Something so trivial and miniscule. She was able to find out because he let her. She could feel the familiar blush on her face appear. The tingly sensation start in her fingers and stomach. Being able to be held by him, like this, she was satisfied. For now.

"Sesshomaru-sama?" She whispered.

She knew he needn't reply. She snuggled into his armpit and gave a quick peck between his ribs.

"Arigato, my Lord." Before she closed her eyes, his hand on her shoulder gave a light squeeze, and she curled furthermore against his body.

' _Wait til I tell Kagome about this…'_


End file.
